"This... is... the... most... awesome... thing... ever..."
Yesterday, my buddy Nate turned to me and said the following statement. Over and over. The subject of such a statement? The NFL RedZone Channel. Greatest... Invention... Ever. To be fair, the RedZone Channel is not a brand new invention. In fact, DirectTV has carried the RedZone Channel with the NFL Sunday Ticket for years. However, not everyone is lucky enough to have the NFL Sunday Ticket. By some accident, the morons at Comcast (who used to give Billy Madison one star in the Comcast Guide) decided to give subscribers to the sports package the NFL RedZone Channel.
The result is pure fucking awesome.
There are no fucking commercials.
The RedZone Channel just switches to whichever team is closest to scoring, which in reality, is all you really care about if your team isn't playing. If there are two games that are close, they will double screen them. You don't miss a thing.
I decided to go get a bagel Sunday morning in Squirrel Hill when I ran into my buddy Nate who was leaving breakfast with his parents. Nate informed me that his awesome fiance was hanging with her parents today and he was free and had no plans. Nate has a 70 inch high def plasma TV. I do not. I invited myself over to watch some football with Nate.
I was aware of the RedZone Channel because my father always purchases the NFL Sunday Ticket on DirectTV. However, Nate was completely unaware of the existence of The RedZone Channel. After I showed him of its true awesomeness, Nate was hooked. From 1:00pm to 7:30pm Nate and I sat on his couch, ate double stuff oreo's and watched commercial free football for over six hours. It was mantastic.
During our Man-Date, Nate and I had some realizations.
While the Bears were dropping 48 points on the Lions, Dan Orlovsky's name came up. Nate and I spent the next fifteen minutes watching clips of Dan Orlovsky being a complete fucking idiot and obliviously taking six or so steps out of his own end zone without realizing it. This video might actually be funnier now than it was two years ago.
Speaking of the Lions and their 48 point debacle, Nate and I came to the realization that the Lions aren't even one of the five worst teams in the NFL. Nate and I determined without the objections of anyone that the Rams, Buccaneers, Raiders, Chiefs and Browns are considerably crappier than the Lions. And this is without mentioning Jason Campbell, Jake Delhomme or Trent Edwards quaterbacked teams.
See, the magic of the RedZone Channel is that you get to see all these teams in all their crappiness, and it's amazing. A little graphic pops up telling you that a key play has happened in the Buccaneers game, and the only question is whether Josh Johnson threw an interception or fumbled it.
If you want to see JaMarcus Russell sail a pass 15 yards past Darius Heyward-Bey, you can. If you want to see Cadillac Williams run for negative three yards, you can. If you want to see a mediocre St. Louis Rams safety touch a live punt and not notice, you can. If you want to see Matt Cassell run 7 consecutive plays from the 3 yard line, each worse than the one before you can. And the Browns? Well...
The Browns are one of the shining stars of the RedZone Channel. See, you couldn't watch a full Browns game, you'd be too depressed, even if you're not a Browns fan. This is a team that elevated to the starting QB position a guy who actually threw three interceptions in one half last week, and that was deemed an upgrade. But in short bursts? There is nothing more exciting than Eric Mangini and Derek Anderson. Every time Derek Anderson is blitzed, it's an adventure. Really, anything can happen. Derek Anderson makes Aaron Brooks look surgical. See Derek Anderson was an upgrade for the Browns because unlike Brady Quinn, Derek Anderson isn't afraid to throw the ball farther than eight yards. Nate and I were furiously cheering for Derek Anderson to try and win the game on every drop back, and frankly, we were giddy.
Yesterday, my buddy Nate turned to me and said the following statement. Over and over. The subject of such a statement? The NFL RedZone Channel. Greatest... Invention... Ever. To be fair, the RedZone Channel is not a brand new invention. In fact, DirectTV has carried the RedZone Channel with the NFL Sunday Ticket for years. However, not everyone is lucky enough to have the NFL Sunday Ticket. By some accident, the morons at Comcast (who used to give Billy Madison one star in the Comcast Guide) decided to give subscribers to the sports package the NFL RedZone Channel.
The result is pure fucking awesome.
There are no fucking commercials.
The RedZone Channel just switches to whichever team is closest to scoring, which in reality, is all you really care about if your team isn't playing. If there are two games that are close, they will double screen them. You don't miss a thing.
I decided to go get a bagel Sunday morning in Squirrel Hill when I ran into my buddy Nate who was leaving breakfast with his parents. Nate informed me that his awesome fiance was hanging with her parents today and he was free and had no plans. Nate has a 70 inch high def plasma TV. I do not. I invited myself over to watch some football with Nate.
I was aware of the RedZone Channel because my father always purchases the NFL Sunday Ticket on DirectTV. However, Nate was completely unaware of the existence of The RedZone Channel. After I showed him of its true awesomeness, Nate was hooked. From 1:00pm to 7:30pm Nate and I sat on his couch, ate double stuff oreo's and watched commercial free football for over six hours. It was mantastic.
During our Man-Date, Nate and I had some realizations.
While the Bears were dropping 48 points on the Lions, Dan Orlovsky's name came up. Nate and I spent the next fifteen minutes watching clips of Dan Orlovsky being a complete fucking idiot and obliviously taking six or so steps out of his own end zone without realizing it. This video might actually be funnier now than it was two years ago.
Speaking of the Lions and their 48 point debacle, Nate and I came to the realization that the Lions aren't even one of the five worst teams in the NFL. Nate and I determined without the objections of anyone that the Rams, Buccaneers, Raiders, Chiefs and Browns are considerably crappier than the Lions. And this is without mentioning Jason Campbell, Jake Delhomme or Trent Edwards quaterbacked teams.
See, the magic of the RedZone Channel is that you get to see all these teams in all their crappiness, and it's amazing. A little graphic pops up telling you that a key play has happened in the Buccaneers game, and the only question is whether Josh Johnson threw an interception or fumbled it.
If you want to see JaMarcus Russell sail a pass 15 yards past Darius Heyward-Bey, you can. If you want to see Cadillac Williams run for negative three yards, you can. If you want to see a mediocre St. Louis Rams safety touch a live punt and not notice, you can. If you want to see Matt Cassell run 7 consecutive plays from the 3 yard line, each worse than the one before you can. And the Browns? Well...
The Browns are one of the shining stars of the RedZone Channel. See, you couldn't watch a full Browns game, you'd be too depressed, even if you're not a Browns fan. This is a team that elevated to the starting QB position a guy who actually threw three interceptions in one half last week, and that was deemed an upgrade. But in short bursts? There is nothing more exciting than Eric Mangini and Derek Anderson. Every time Derek Anderson is blitzed, it's an adventure. Really, anything can happen. Derek Anderson makes Aaron Brooks look surgical. See Derek Anderson was an upgrade for the Browns because unlike Brady Quinn, Derek Anderson isn't afraid to throw the ball farther than eight yards. Nate and I were furiously cheering for Derek Anderson to try and win the game on every drop back, and frankly, we were giddy.
High on football, Nate and I pulled up Pro-Reference.com which naturally culminated in us trying to remember every roster from Tecmo Super Bowl. Names like Hart Lee Dykes, Brad Muster, Tom Waddle and Mervyn Fernandez never lose their humor. Nate and I also tried to determine the best teams in Tecmo Super Bowl, which we're going to save for another post. As a little tease, we couldn't agree on which the worst team in Tecmo Super Bowl was, Indianapolis or New England. This is going to happen.
See this is the beauty of the RedZone Channel. It's all football and nothing but football. No commercials, pure adrenaline. When your team is playing a night game or has a bye week, I highly suggesting spending six and half hours of your life doing the same.
This is the beauty of the RedZone Channel.
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