Fran Tarkenton Is a Pot?

Last week, former Vikings/Giants great and HOF QB Fran Tarkenton chastised Brett Favre's play (and untimely INT) in the Vikes 31-28 NFC Championship loss. It's true, it was a bad, bad play. He shouldn't have made the throw, and may have cost his team a championship. But look who's talking...

For those of you who don't know, Fran Tarkenton was Vikings QB for 3 of their 4 Super Bowl losses (remember, they've never actually won). Mind you, it was Joe Kapp who was at the helm for the then-humiliating Super Bowl IV loss, but still, take a look at Tarkenton's career playoff numbers: 149-292, 219 yards, 11 TD, 17 INT, 58.8 rating. Sure, this was from a different time, but Tark's postseason rating is a solid 20+ points lower than his regular season rating. Also of note is Tark's performances in big games - specifically Conference Championships and the Super Bowl: 78-157, 888, 3 TD, 9 INT, 49.5 rating. That's over 6 games. That's really fucking bad, even by 1975 standards.

STFU, Francis.

More absurd talk from loud-mouthed, old, football players: TO has stated that if he had played with QBs as good as Montana and Young, he would be close to Jerry Rice's records. Now, Owens is really saying two different things at once here: (1) Garcia+McNabb+Romo+[name of shitty former-Bengal redacted for the sake of not mentioning his name in the same sentence as any of these guys] were not as efficient at getting the football to him as Montana and Young were at getting it to Rice. Or perhaps, more aptly, he didn't get thrown to as much as he would have with Montana and Young at the helm. (2) He is as good as (or at least comparable to) Jerry Rice, career-wise.

Let's hit the first point: I think we should start by noting that people threw more in 2003 than in 1990. Although Rice played in an unusual offense for his time, more passes have been thrown by Owens' QB than by Rice's.

Rice:
1985 - 16 GP - 550 pass attempts - 60.2% comp - 7.2 yds/att - 3,987 yards - 27 TD - 49/927/3
1986 - 16 GP - 582 att - 60.7% - 7.4 y/a - 4,299 yds - 21 TD - 86/1570/15
1987 - 12 GP - 501 att - 66.8% - 7.9 y/a - 3,955 yds - 44 TD - 65/1078/22
1988 - 16 GP - 502 att - 58.4% - 6.9 y/a - 3,675 yds - 21 TD - 64/1306/9
1989 - 16 GP - 483 att - 70.2% - 9.5 y/a - 4,584 yds - 35 TD - 82/1483/17
1990 - 16 GP - 583 att - 61.7% - 7.5 y/a - 4,371 yds - 28 TD - 100/1502/13
1991 - 16 GP - 522 att - 62.3% - 8.0 y/a - 4,167 yds - 29 TD - 80/1206/14
1992 - 16 GP - 480 att - 66.5% - 8.4 y/a - 4,054 yds - 29 TD - 84/1201/10
1993 - 16 GP - 524 att - 67.6% - 8.2 y/a - 4,480 yds - 29 TD - 98/1503/15
1994 - 16 GP - 511 att - 70.3% - 9.0 y/a - 4,362 yds - 37 TD - 112/1499/13
1995 - 16 GP - 644 att - 67.1% - 7.4 y/a - 4,779 yds - 29 TD - 122/1848/15
1996 - 16 GP - 550 att - 65.1% - 7.0 y/a - 3,859 yds - 24 TD - 108/1254/8
1997 - 2 GP - 432 att - 64.4% - 7.7 y/a - 3,432 yds - 20 TD - 7/78/1
1998 - 16 GP - 556 att - 62.4% - 8.1 y/a - 4,510 yds - 41 TD - 82/1157/9

Owens:
1996 - 16 GP - 550 att - 65.1% - 7.0 y/a - 3,859 yds - 24 TD - 35/520/4
1997 - 16 GP - 432 att - 64.4% - 7.7 y/a - 3,432 yds - 20 TD - 60/936/8
1998 - 16 GP - 556 att - 62.4% - 8.1 y/a - 4,510 yds - 41 TD - 67/1097/14
1999 - 14 GP - 560 att - 57.9% - 6.3 y/a - 3,526 yds - 14 TD - 60/754/4
2000 - 14 GP - 583 att - 62.8% - 7.9 y/a - 4,400 yds - 32 TD - 97/1451/13
2001 - 16 GP - 506 att - 62.8% - 7.0 y/a - 3,559 yds - 32 TD - 93/1412/16
2002 - 14 GP - 571 att - 62.0% - 6.3 y/a - 3,576 yds - 23 TD - 100/1300/13
2003 - 15 GP - 511 att - 58.5% - 7.0 y/a - 3,566 yds - 25 TD - 80/1102/9
2004 - 14 GP - 547 att - 61.4% - 8.0 y/a - 4,208 yds - 32 TD - 77/1200/14
2005 - 7 GP - 620 att - 54.4% - 6.3 y/a - 3,903 yds - 21 TD - 47/763/6
2006 - 16 GP - 506 att - 61.3% - 8.0 y/a - 4,067 yds - 26 TD - 85/1180/13
2007 - 15 GP - 520 att - 64.4% - 7.8 y/a - 4,290 yds - 36 TD - 81/1355/15
2008 - 16 GP - 547 att - 60.0% - 6.7 y/a - 3,448 yds - 26 TD - 69/1052/10
2009 - 15 GP - 441 att - 58.0% - 5.2 y/a - 2,789 yds - 17 TD - 55/829/5(Totals prorated, based on games played in a season)
Rice - 206 GP - 6,917 att - 64.4% - 7.9 y/a - 54,522 yds - 366 TD - 1,139/17,612/164
Owens - 204 GP - 6,728 att - 61.4% - 7.1 y/a - 48,318 yds - 342 TD - 1,006/14,951/144

So, what does this say? Well, Rice definitely had the better QBs. But really not by all that much. If you look at each player's career, they caught, roughly, every 4th pass thrown by their respective QBs. Now, that's a pretty impressive number - if your QB is completing 20 passes per game, you're catching 5 on average (80/season). You can make arguments that Montana/Young may have been better at getting the ball further downfield that Young/Garcia/McNabb/Romo/Bills, and to some extent it's true. Yards/completion have Montana/Young with about a .5 y/c lead. So, let's run with these assumptions:

(1) Owens catches 1 ball for every 4.103 completed by the QB on his team (presumably indicates how often he was open).
(2) With Montana/Young at the helm, 64.4% of passes thrown would have been completed while Owens was playing.
(3) The number of passes thrown would have remained constant.
(4) Owens would have averaged 0.54 yards more per catch, due to the higher quality of QB (15.4 rather than 14.9).
(5) The percentage of TD catches by Owens per reception will be 0.22% higher (14.5% rather than 14.3%).

So the results are this: 204 additional completions by QBs on Owens' team, while Owens is playing. That means, theoretically, Owens would have caught 50 additional passes over his career so far with Montana/Young at QB (new total 1,056 catches). Now, taking into account the 50 additional catches, we can assume that Owens would have had 745 additional receiving yards. Add in the extra .54 y/c, and that's another 570 yards. The extra 50 catches would have also translated to 7 TD receptions. Add in the extra .22% TD ratio, and you'll end up with another 2 TD receptions for his career. So, by my calculations, here are Owens' new, theoretical (although simplistic) career stats, through this point in his career: 1,056 receptions, 16,266 yards, 153 TD. When compared with Rice, he is still 83 receptions, 1,346 yards and 11 TD behind Rice (really, a whole season's worth).

So what does this teach us? Well, yeah, Montana/Young > Old Young/Garcia/McNabb/Romo/Bills. But that seems obvious. However, what also appears to be true is that Owens, though an incredible athlete and, for the first 14 years of his career, not THAT far behind Rice, it nonetheless seems clear that Owens is a distant second. Rice has outperformed Owens by nearly a seasons-worth of production over those first 14 years, and did so at a time when passing was far less prolific and receivers had many more obstacles to making any given catch.

But let's also look at Rice's career stats: From age 37-on, Rice managed to snag another 410 passes, for 5,283 yards and 33 TD. Those numbers are staggering when you think about it, because most players are toast by the time they hit 39 or 40.

So, even assuming that Owens had had the benefit of Montana/Young for the first part of his career, AND he would be able to play until he was 42 (a very tall order for a WR), he would have to average 82 receptions, 1,105 yards, and 8 TD a season to catch Rice. Rice's production at such an advanced age remains unprecedented. Looking at it, I'm actually not sure any other player besides Rice has ever had a 1,000+ season past age 35, nonetheless average 1,100 between 37-42.

So, I guess my conclusion is this: No, TO, no matter who you had at QB, you would not be anywhere near Rice's career numbers at this point. No one would be. In fact, the only way anyone will ever catch Rice is if they can match his longevity. So, until someone finds a way to be VERY productive at age 39, Rice will continue to be alone, miles ahead of the competition.

Back in December, I mentioned that Sid was playing the most dominating hockey of his career. I know I'm biased, but with all due respect to Ovechkin, Sid is the best player in the world right now.

Speaking of the Pens, Scott Burnside said about a month ago that the Devils were locks to win the division, that the Devils, 6 points up with 3 games in hand were uncatchable. The Devils are now 1 point up with 2 games in hand. Little surprised to see Burnside make such an ill-advised comment.

Lastly, I wanted to bring you a video model of what it might have looked like for TO if he had had Montana and Young at the helm:

Without them (but with Brad Johnson):

With them:

Dawning of a New Day

In the hopes of keeping anyone reading this sorry fucking excuse for a blog, I will be revising my writing habits. Rather than putting together long, verbose pieces that usually pull together about 12 different topics, I'm going to try to keep them short, sweet, and much more frequent.

So, here goes nothing.

• Brett Favre is still Brett Favre. Just when all hope seemed lost, and it appeared that Favre had finally settled into being a controlled, patient and smart QB, his season ends with an awful, across the body, on the run, into the middle of the field INT that, if he had run it, would have at least given Ryan Longwell a shot at a 48-yarder. But no, Brett is Wrangler man, and if there's one thing the Wrangler jean commercials have taught us, Brett plays like he's playing touch football, which means rolling right and throwing back across his body:

• The Pens are struggling in general right now, but a lot has been made of their struggling power play. However, a comment by Mike Milbury during the Pens/Flyers game on Sunday got me thinking. Milbury commented that people shouldn't be all that surprised that the Pens PP sucks this year, because it was only ranked 20th in the league last year. Now, some might say, hey, Gonch was out for 3/4 of the season, and we all know what he does for the PP. And it's true, the guy might be the best point man in the league - he can pass, he can skate, he can rip the puck, but he also knows how to get the puck on net, and towards friendly sticks, which might be the most important thing he does.
  
  But with that in mind, look at the 2 PP goals from Sunday: one was all Gonch's, but the result of a great screen. The other was Cooke redirecting in front of the net.
  
  So, I propose to you that what the Pens need more than anything is a guy like Ryan Malone.
  
  Compare the Pens powerplay for 2005-2008 with the power play from 2008-2010. Those first 3 seasons include Crosby's first which was a near-last place finish, a first-round exit and the loss in the Cup Finals. The last 2 are this year, and the Cup Champion team from last.
  
  2005-2008: 1336 chances, 265 goals, 19.8%
  2008-2010: 583 chances, 96 goals, 16.5%
  
  What's the one big change between the two periods? Ryan Malone. We're only talking about a difference of 19 goals over that period, but is it out the question to suggest that Malone's absence may have something to do with it?
  
  
• John Clayton was writing today that the Saints/Colts Super Bowl is proof that offense is more important now than defense. I disagree. The Colts are the league's #8 scoring defense this year, despite throwing in the towel against the Jets and Bills at the end. As for the Saints, yeah, they aren't great, but they won by forcing turnovers and making plays.
  
  And let's also not get too far ahead of ourselves. It's just one season. Look at the last 4 Super Bowl champs. Why did they win? Defense. That's crystal clear for the Giants and Steelers, and don't forget that the Colts' big run was fueled by a hot defense.
  
  Video (1:06) with thanks to the mersh (Btw: when you watch it, it's almost like they're trying too hard to look excited. I don't buy this "Saints fans are so great" bullshit. 99% of them are bandwagoners. Which, I guess is how you get your start, but still. Fuck that.).
  

Saints Video: Bourbon Street

Reflections on Predictions: Ruben's NFC North Preview

NFC North

Original NFC North Preview

Green Bay Packers
Predicted Record: 12-4 (NFC North Champs)
Actual Record: 11-5 (Wild Card, 5th Playoff Seed)
Verdict: Pretty close. Off by one game, and a few seeds.
I Said That? The perennially underrated pass rusher Aaron Kampman is switching to outside linebacker in the 3-4 which may cause some problems.
Last Word: Yeah, before he went out for the year, the Kampman as a linebacker was a full fledged disaster. Rodgers got sacked at a David Carr pace early in the year, but he's progressed into an elite quarterback and Charles Woodson might be playing the best of his career. They had some troubles early on, but aside from the heartbreaking loss in Pittsburgh, they've been on fire. Kudos for drafting Clay Matthews, who might have been the best defensive rookie.

Chicago Bears
Predicted Record: 10-6 (Wild Card)
Actual Record: 7-9
Verdict: Awful. I whiffed on this call big time. Truth is, they're not even as good as 7-9.
I Said That? Some people think he’s a cocky douche, I think he’s a gamer. He’s something the Bears haven’t had since I’ve been alive: a marquee quarterback. (But really you could go anywhere here).
Last Word: I pimped the shit out of Jay Cutler and he was unplayable at times. I based everything on the Denver Broncos model of Jay Cutler. Maybe he's just going through an adjustment, or maybe Chicago is where QB's go to die. I also liked Matt Forte, who had an awful sophomore slump and a "rejuvenated" Brian Urlacher who didn't make it out of week one. I'm genuinely sorry and disappointed in myself I let my personal hatred of Brett Favre dictate this division.

Minnesota Vikings
Predicted Record: 8-8
Actual Record: 12-4 (NFC North Champs, 2nd Playoff Seed)
Verdict: I was wrong, blinded by Brett Favre and Brad Childress.
I Said That? Skol Vikes! (To be fair, I wrote this from the viewpoint of my buddy Isaacs, who was absolute right on, save for Bernard Berrian long TD catches)
Last Word: Regardless of how you feel about Favre or the way he's conducted his decisions the past few years (fuck him), he had a great year, and playing in a dome clearly masked his inability to play in cold weather. He took the team away from the best running back in the NFL and made it his. The best running back in the NFL strangely developed a case of fumbleitis and Favre came in tossing 1 yard touchdown passes to Visanthe Shiancoe. The defense looks strong, and Percy Harvin is one of the most difficult players in the NFL to game plan for. Had they not played their worst football the last month, I think they'd be a sure bet for the Super Bowl. Now, not so sure. But I was wrong about them.

Detroit Lions
Predicted Record:4-12
Actual Record: 2-14
Verdict: Gave them too much of a benefit. They are still depressing.
I Said That? I guess the Jets and Lions got superexcited by the years Joe Flacco and Matt Ryan put up last year as rookies. Except Joe Flacco and Matt Ryan were both fifth year seniors. Stafford and Sanchez were true juniors. There’s going to be some learning curves even if he’s slinging the ball to Megatron.
Last Word: Yeah, that was spot on. Stafford probably had the better year than Sanchez (on a way inferior team). Stafford has a big time arm, and Detroit has a big time lack of talent. They're still pretty bad. At least they beat the Redskins and the Browns.

Reflections on Predictions: Ruben's NFC South Preview

Original NFC South Preview

New Orleans Saints
Predicted Record: 11-5 (NFC South Champs)
Actual Record: 13-3 (NFC South Champs, 1st Playoff Seed)
Verdict: Correct. Predicted them NFC South Champs, so I feel good.
I Said That?: Honestly, every year, one team jumps from mediocrity to a lucky season and NFC Championship Potential (some people use the word “fluke” to describe such). I think it’s New Orleans. They play offense better than any other team not named New England and the play in the NFC.
Last Word: Yeah, I was right. I bit on New Orleans hard and I was right. I had them in the NFC Championship, which still remains to be seen. I predicted silly things from their offense and I was right. Feel good.

Atlanta Falcons
Predicted Record: 10-6, (Wild Card)
Actual Record: 9-7, out
Verdict: Had them one win better and a playoff team, but they had their first back to back winning seasons, so it wasn't totally off base.
I Said That?: I’m not so sure they’re as big a fluke as everyone makes them out to be.
Last Word: A 9-7 record is respectable, and they're probably not a fluke. There's still work to do, but I like them going forward. Matt Ryan, Michael Turner and Roddy White all suffered some injuries this year. They played hard the last few games to finish .500. Definitely not a wasted season.

Carolina Panthers
Predicted Record: 7-9
Actual Record: 8-8
Verdict: Much better after they shit-canned Jake Delhomme. I was right this was just an average team.
I Said That?: Where does that leave us? 8-8. That makes sense. Jake Delhomme. Fuck. 7-9. Yeah, it’s 7-9, Jake sucks that much.
Last Word: Probably would have been right if they kept Jake in. I had the right reasoning, but I didn't think they'd be smart and remove Jake from the equation. They put Matt Moore in and won their last 3 games to finish at 8-8, so I guess in retrospect, they could have been 5-11. If they don't start Matt Moore next year, they are morons, he's got some potential. They clearly have the best 1-2 punch at running back in the entire league, so if Jake is out of the question, I think they have some potential next year.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Predicted Record: 3-13
Actual Record: 3-13
Verdict: EPIC WIN (for me) EPIC FAIL (for the team)
I Said That?: They just suck.
Last Word: Yeah, I was right. I also questioned the Raheem Morris choice. But then again, everyone else did. But what good can you pull out of that mess? Josh Freeman got some experience and Cadillac Williams didn't have a season ending injury? Yeah, I think that's it.

Reflections on Predictions: Ruben's NFC East Preview

At the eve of the NFL Playoffs, I'd thought it'd be fun to take a quick peak back at my initial NFC Previews for the season, whether good or bad, so in retrospect, here's the NFC, as I saw it.

Original NFC East Preview

NFC EAST

New York Giants
Predicted Record: 10-6 (NFC East Champs)
Actual Record: 8-8, no playoffs
Verdict: I was wrong.
I Said That: The defense is still stout, the defensive line was bad ass before they signed Chris Canty.
Last Word: They weren't the only recent Super Bowl winner who just gave up on the season. I was half right they didn't have a top flight wide receiver. Steve Smith blew up out of the gate, but tapered off down the stretch. While he's not top flight, he's a solid player. I predicted good things for the Jacobs-Bradshaw tandem, and many people now think Brashaw is the better player. Still, the defense was a fucking joke, especially down the stretch, giving up 40 points in three of the last four games with the Playoffs on the line, and their defensive coordinator got fired.

Philadelphia Eagles
Predicted Record: 9-7, out of playoffs
Actual Record: 11-5 (6th Playoff Seed)
Verdict: I wasn't totally wrong, they still have issues with consistency, I had them over .500, but they did make the playoffs.
I Said That: Their top three receivers are all under six feet tall (or barely six feet tall) run fast and shy away from contact.
Last Word: While this statement isn't totally wrong, it's intent was. DeSean Jackson is a stud and should not have been available in the second round. He's not strong, he's not a possession guy, but holy shit is he a game breaker who can win games all by himself. Jeremy Maclin had a solid rookie year and is going to be a solid NFL receiver. Westbrook, who turned 30, was injured and a general non-factor all year, so I feel good about that. This team is totally unpredictable week to week, so I honestly wouldn't be shocked by anything they do in the playoffs, (except win the Super Bowl, that would shock me).

Dallas Cowboys
Predicted Record: 8-8
Actual Record: 11-5 (NFC East Champs, 3rd Playoff Seed)
Verdict: Underestimated them, much better than I thought.
I Said That: The cliche is "addition by subtraction". This typically isn't a negative thing when Terrell Owens is involved.
Last Word: If I would have just added the name Miles Austin in there, I would look as prophetic as Darren Daulton. Miles Austin, a waiver wire pickup for my fantasy team, was without a doubt my favorite player to root for this year. That guy is fantastic. Romo turned the page and played solid, mistake free football (so far) the majority of the year and the Cowboys have a home playoff game, and Wade Phillips may still have his job. Could be frisky in playoffs, but probably a one and done with a solid foundation for next year.

Washington Redskins
Predicted Record: 7-9
Actual Record: 4-12
Verdict: They were way worse than I thought.
I Said That?: They brought in crazy Albert Haynesworth for crazy guaranteed money and drafted Brian Orapko (an ultimate boom-bust prospect) and converted Orapko to linebacker to help sure up the defense.
Last Word: Haynesworth is already a headcase for them. Orapko went boom and made the pro-bowl as a rookie. Jim Zorn. Enough said. He tried this play, twice.

WE SHALL BE HEARD!

See that glass?!?! IT'S HALF FULL! KNOW WHY?!?!

Word on the street: the Bruce Arians era is over. Something truly good has come out of this shitty season. Now, it isn't official, but I'm gonna celebrate now, in case it doesn't happen.

By the end, he was as hated as Michel Therrien. And although they had different issues, both were ultimately unable to adjust. And if you can't adjust, you're gonna get eaten alive. I remember distinctly making the complaint about a year ago that the reason you have a coach is so that they can formulate a game plan, and then make adjustments. Therrien never adjusted, and that was his problem. Well, that, and the fact that he insisted on having a fast, strong, talented team play a slow, plodding style offense.

Arians, on the other hand (and credit to a certain reader with whom I had this exact conversation) seemed to have a plan, but that plan did not provide for any contingency, such as not being ahead 31-0 in the first half. Really, Arians simply didn't understand how to call plays. He could draw them up, but really failed when it came to formulating a plan that would adapt based on how things progressed.

So, really, he was either stupid or lazy.

Either way, he is the fuck out. And the peasants rejoiced...

Really, though, only good things can happen from this. Bet this dude gets a call. You may hate him, but find me a team he's been associated with in the last 10 years that didn't have a really solid O.

P.S.: Charlie, have you ever been to Primanti's? Or Fatheads for that matter? Trust me, you'd love it here.

On the Future, Sports Ethics, and Patriotism

These are three pretty heavy topics, but fitting for this blog's return. Didn't really realize that it had been over 3 weeks since anything had gone up on this blog. Admittedly, losing to the Browns would be enough to make most people give up, but our hiatus was more a matter of circumstance and laziness than any kind of Steelers-induced depression. I think there are probably about 3 or 4 half-written posts sitting around that will never see the light of day.

Anyhow, I guess I'll take these topics in order: the future. What does it hold for us? That's probably what you're asking right now. You're also probably wondering what "us" is referring to. Well, I mean "us" as fans of the Steelers and fans of the footballs (not "us", as in "we" are members of the Steelers by proxy, because we aren't, because if we were, I'd have a lot more money and could post on this blog more than once every 3 weeks).

As I sit here, the Steelers are battling the worst division champs of the last decade (i.e. the '08 Dolphins, that's all I meant by that, because much of the team is still together)... Well, the Bengals this year very well might give them a run for their money, but that aside, the Dolphins are giving us a fight, when they really shouldn't be.

But moving on from there, the question is: when the defending champs miss the playoffs, what positives can we take from this situation? Well, in the spirit of optimism, let's look at the bright spots.

(1) Our Skill Players on Offense Are World-Class: Nothing need be said about Ben. He is the man. Regardless of whether you like him or not, he gets the job done. He's still relatively young, and can learn a thing or two still (specifically, getting rid of the fucking ball on 3rd down at the opponent's 20-30). You know, so we can avoid losing points every game because Ben takes a sack to knock us out of field goal position. But, of course, that's something that could easily be fixed with a little coaching, which, as we know, doesn't exist on the offense.

Mendenhall has all the tools to be an every-down back. He's big, fast, runs hard, can catch and can block. If you've missed his blitz pickup work this year, you clearly aren't watching their games. And I've heard a couple comments calling him "Fumblehall" which is clever but also a complete misnomer. Going into Sunday, he was sitting on 222 carries and 3 fumbles. If you look at the 21 players with 200+ carries, 3 isn't necessarily low, but it's far from abnormal. And let's not forget that one came while he was lying on the back of Browns defender, and had been for about 4 seconds. The rest of the country thought the play was dead, so let's not shit on Mendenhall because he did, too.

And I'll be short on the receivers, because they need very little. Holmes is 3rd in the league in receiving yards. Hines snatched his 6th 1000-yard receiving season. Cousin Heath finally came into his own, and Mike Wallace. Well, that boy is fast (and he catches the ball).

(2) Troy Polamalu is the best player in the NFL. PPG (in 4th quarters alone). With Troy: 0.0. Without Troy: about 37.

(3) LaMarr Woodley is quickly on his way to being our best pass rusher. Again, if you've watched him this year, the guy is awesome.

But now, for the bad (and there's more of it than good, shit...)

But remember, we wouldn't have known this if we had beaten the Chiefs/Raiders/Browns like we should have. And we would be falling victim to another playoff loss, and would be regressing rather than moving forward.

(4) Our offensive line is not so great. Well, we already knew this, but it's starting to become an issue. Wait. No, let's stop.

(5) Bruce Arians is incompetent. Our issues with the o-line are a matter of people having trouble picking up stunts, and Ben NOT HAVING OPTIONS UNDERNEATH. Oh yeah, and setting up the o-line to get fucking shredded. Last time I checked, play action only works when you run. Last time I checked, 5-WR shotgun sets on 3rd and 1 foreclose a lot of play options, and make the defenses job a fucking lot easier. Last time I checked, teaching the players how to be effective is part of the job.

And Arians is incapable of all of these. Fire the motherfucker, and hire someone decent, and you're going to see a positive change on offense.

(6) We really should have kept Larry Foote. Timmons has lots of potential. But he's still basically a rookie, and still gets out of position. That's due, in large part, to his amazing speed. But it does leave the middle open on running plays sometimes. The problem then is that James Farrior is really getting old. He's losing a step. He can't clog the hole, he can't cover in the flat, and he's just generally lost a step. Who's stepping in for him?

(7) Our DBs ain't no good. We need to do some work in the draft. Simple as that. How bad do I wish that we had gotten Darrell Revis rather than Lawrence Timmons 2 years ago? Well, a lot. And that's not because Timmons isn't a very good player, with a lot of promise. It's because our DBs are SO bad, that the upgrade of Timmons over Foote is nowhere near the upgrade of Revis over Will Gay. I hate to say it, but I think Gay loses his starting job next year. I also think that Ike Taylor is going to have to play much better next year for the sake of keeping his job. He's been too consistent over the last 5 years to lose his job over a few bad plays, but he's definitely lost his position as the team's clear #1 CB, and as an irreplaceable part of this defense.

So, I look at these as good things, because I think that this team is serviceable, and that with a little work in the draft, will be better in 2-3 years than it would have been if we had made the playoffs this year.

So that's my optimistic spin on the year.

So, now, on to what I call "sports ethics", or managing your fantasy football team in light of your love for your favorite team. My conclusion: in fantasy football, it is best to abandon all love for your favorite team, and pick the players you hate most, because that usually means that they're pretty damn good. Take, for example, my championship-winning fantasy football team (the starting lineup for most of the year, and the championship game last week):

QB: Philip Rivers. I hate this motherfucker so bad.



Don't you? Seriously, though, he gets good numbers. Not sure he can ever win in the playoffs. Still hasn't really proven it. But whatever. The dude was solid for my team, so I was able to profit despite my hatred.

RB1: Chris Johnson. He plays for the Titans, and I hate seeing him play the Steelers. But the boy is fucking awesome. Sure, he hasn't had Holmes/Faulk/Tomlinson-like TDs this year. But he's still silly good.

RB2: Lawrence Maroney. Despite the fact that he almost fucked me with his fumbling-at-the-goalline bullshit last week, he was really solid over the last 2-3 weeks of the season. Fuck the Patriots.

WR1 & 2: Vincent Jackson & Wes Welker. Again, a Charger and a Patriot. Fuck that shit.

DEF: Dallas Cowboys. Enough said.

So, before you ask, yes, Santonio and Heath were also playing at WR and TE for me. But if you look at the rest of my team, I fucking hate all those guys. But there's a reason. And I got past it. All the way to a championship.

So the lesson is this: being a real fan and being a fantasy player don't mix. You have to leave each at the door. I mean, you need to root for your real team first and foremost, and at the expense of your fantasy team. But you also have to leave your favorite team and those allegiances behind, and go with the best players.

I don't know if that made any sense.

Fuck Philip Rivers. Cocksucker. Hope he never wins a Super Bowl.

So, now for our last topic of the day: Patriotism.

This is kind of fucked up, but I'm having trouble not wanting to root for Team Canada, because Fleury and Sid will be playing for them. Yes, I have more allegiance to the Penguins than my country. Really? Well, no, just the Olympic hockey team. But still, I don't know how to feel about that.

Well, solved that problem... U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!