The Weekly Quarterback Rankings

Before I start, just a few comments on the past week in sports:

• Eric Mangini is upset that the GM got fired? Well, I'm not sure what so say, except that they fucking blow. I saw a comparison between their QB situation in 1999, as a brand new expansion franchise with TIM FUCKING COUCH at QB, basically explaining how much better off they were then. What a clusterfuck.
• IU got completely screwed. There is no doubt in my mind that the Big Ten official in that booth got a phone call telling him that Iowa had to win. No doubt. Iowa sucks, and they don't deserve a shot at the national title, undefeated or not.

So, here they are for Week 2, bigger and better than ever. By bigger, I mean that I've actually included ALL of the QBs who have started at least 1/4 of their team's games (I figured that was a legit minimum requirement), instead of just most of them. I feel kind of like Robin from HIMYM, in that I think I've finally realized no one reads this, because I fuck shit up and never hear about it. Even Ruben doesn't read it, but that's OK, because his computer's been 12 kinds of fucked up. Supid PCs. While I'm at it, I had owned 4 different Microsoft-based laptops, 2 Dells and 2 Toshibas. Finally bought my first Mac, and let me just say that if you want something that's reliable and easy to use, there's no comparison. Those Mac commercials aren't just cheeky, they eerilie mimic my own visualization of how a conversation b/w a Mac and a PC would go. Except maybe without the kid from Ed. There are other people from that show who I'd prefer in that role, and I don't mean Tom Cavenaugh.

So, now to it. There were 33 QBs last week. Now there are 40. Adjust accordingly.

1. Drew Brees, NO (99.502 Points) (Previous Rank: 1)

This Week: Def. Atlanta 35-27, 25-33, 308 yards, 2 TD, INT, 1 fumble lost

He's just plain slinging the ball better than anyone else. He ranks high in all categories, but really excels with the long ball. He's been almost twice as productive on throws of 20+ yards as anyone else.

2. Peyton Manning, IND (92.781) (2)

This Week: Def. San Francisco 18-14, 31-48, 347 yards.

Finally a mediocre week out of the guy. He, like Brees, is just killing this year (as usual), but he's been "struggling" in the Red Zone, with only an 87.6 passer rating - as opposed to his 100+ rating overall. This may be related to the fact that the Colts have no running game, and everyone knows they're gonna pass, but I'm not sure how that's different from anywhere else on the field.

3. Brett Favre, MIN (90.234) (4)

This Week: Def. Packers 38-26, 17-28, 244 yards, 4 TD

With a huge game in his first trip back to Green Bay, Favre hopped his former apprentice in the rankings. Yeah, he's getting it done, and he's been near-perfect doing it, but they aren't putting a lot of pressure on him. On the other hand, Favre has struggled against the better defenses he's played - specifically, Pittsburgh and San Francisco. What he'll do (and be able to do) against the league's better teams come January and February is yet to be seen.

4. Aaron Rodgers, GB (89.245) (3)

This Week: Lost to Vikings 38-26, 26-41, 287 yards, 3 TD

Yeah, the dude fell off a little bit, but really had a solid game nonetheless. Despite his imperfections, I like Rodgers a lot, and think the Packers definitely made the better choice. The Vikings don't ask Favre to do much, so when he does it perfectly, I find it less impressive than what the 4th-year guy on a pass-first offense is getting done. He makes all the throws.

5. Tom Brady, NE (83.482) (6)

This Week: Bye

The bye week and a bad performance from Schaub let Brady move up here. He's having a good year, but doesn't quite seem to be his same old self. He's missed Moss on a lot of deep balls, and its shown - he's mid-teens when it comes to deep passing this year. But with that said, the guy still gets it done, and he's a sure-fire HOFer for a reason.

6. Matt Schaub, HOU (81.324) (5)

This Week: Def. Buffalo 31-10, 25-34, 268 yards, 2 INT

Like I said, a mediocre week, but his team got the win. I've been really impressed with the guy, and I think that with any QB, it takes about 2,000 throws for them to really take their game to the next level. If this is Mr. Schaub's starting point, the sky really is the limit.

Of course, having injuries for Johnson and Daniels may have hurt his numbers last game, and may expose him to an extent in the weeks to come.

7. Ben Roethsliberger, PIT (80.449) (7)

This Week: Bye

A bye week and he picks up another sack? The dude has been absolute money, except on 3rd and longs, where he's been about as bad as anyone. I'm not sure if that's because he's been taking a lot of risks downfield on hopeless situations, but the numbers don't reflect positively. If this guy can figure out how to be more efficient on 3rd down, you'll see him move up fast. Still 2nd-best Red Zone guy in the league behind Brees.

8. Donovan McNabb, PHI (79.118) (9)

This Week: Def. Giants 40-17, 17-23, 240 yards, 3 TD

Another great performance, and McNabb has moved up further, despite only 4 starts. He's putting the ball in the end zone and not making a lot of mistakes. I think that this ranking is a little bit of a red herring, but don't expect him to fall too far. He's still probably a top-10 QB.

9. Kyle Orton, DEN (77.239) (8)

This Week: Lost to Baltimore 30-7, 23-37, 152 yards

Meh. The Broncos took the loss, and Orton didn't fuck anything up, but didn't make anything happen either. This should signal his return to the middle of the pack, where he belongs. The guy knows how to win with a good team around him, but he'll never win you any games himself.

10. Joe Flacco, BAL (73.084) (13)

This Week: Def. Denver 30-7, 20-25, 175 yards, TD

Flacco reminded everyone of the high hopes they had for him with his performance on Sunday. The guy is legit, and does seem to have a nack for winning the football game. His 3rd down and Red Zone numbers are OK, but not great, but that's something that will improve with time.

11. Carson Palmer, CIN (72.506) (12)
This week: Bye

Another Bye Week player moving up. Palmer's season looks pretty mediocre without the fucking gaudy Week 7 performance against Chicago. This is another guy who I see moving back down some. He's a 75-rating QB normally, and really needed that huge performance to pull his head above the 80 mark.

12. Philip Rivers, SD (71.920) (11)
This Week: Def. Oakland 24-16, 16-25, 249 yards, TD, INT

He got another win this past weekend, but he isn't putting up the same numbers he was last year. He doesn't throw a pretty ball, he doesn't take chances, and he just isn't quite getting it done this year. The Chargers are right in the mix, but Rivers is not really making a case for QB of the year.

Plus, he sucks.

13. Eli Manning, NYG (71.412) (10)
This Week: Lost to Philadelphia 40-17, 20-39, 222 yards, TD, 2 INT,

That comical sound you keep hearing that sounds like Wile-E-Coyote going over the edge of a cliff? Yeah, that's Manning's season right now. Through 5 games, he was 5-0 and top-5 in rating, playing the best football of his life. Now, he's playing like pure crap. Really, there aren't many QBs playing like that right now who aren't about to lose their job.

14. Tony Romo, DAL (70.989) (15)
This Week: Def. Seattle 38-17, 21-36, 256 yards, 3 TD, 1 lost fumble

Just like the Cowboys are headed in the opposite direction from the Giants, Romo is headed in the opposite direction from Manning. Interesting how QB quality is really mirroring team success this year...

15. Kurt Warner, ARI (58.134) (16)
This Week: Lost to Carolina 34-21, 27-46, 242 yards, 2 TD, 5 INT, 1 lost fumble

Big drop-off here. Warner somehow moves up despite the crappy outing.

16. Kevin Kolb, PHI (58.053) (19)
This Week: DNP

Just as a note, there's some movement here, and I'm not completely sure why. I think that movement on the top and bottom ends of certain stats have changed the dynamic here in the middle.

17. Jason Campbell, WAS (57.355) (17)
This Week: Bye

18. Shaun Hill, SF (56.956) (21)
This Week: DNP

19. Matt Ryan, ATL (56.418) (14)
This Week: Lost to New Orleans 35-27, 19-42, 289 yards, TD, 2 INT, 1 fumble lost

20. Jay Cutler, CHI (55.427) (20)
This Week: Def. Cleveland 30-6, 17-30, 225 yards, INT

21. Matt Hasselbeck, SEA (54.164) (22)
This Week: Lost to Dallas 38-17, 22-39, 249 yards, 2 TD

22. Seneca Wallace, SEA (53.652) (-)
This Week: DNP (at QB)

23. David Garrard, JAC (53.443) (18)
This Week: Lost to Tennessee 30-13, 14-27, 139 yards, 2 INT

24. Byron Leftwich, TB (50.264) (-)
This Week: Bye

25. Chad Henne, MIA (49.454) (-)
This Week: 12-21, 112 yards, TD

26. Matt Cassel, KC (48.053) (23)
This Week: Bye

27. Trent Edwards, BUF (47.766) (24)
This Week: DNP

28. Mark Sanchez, NYJ (46.141) (27)
This Week: Lost to Miami 30-25, 20-35, 265 yards, 2 TD

29. Chad Pennington, MIA (45.865) (-)
This Week: DNP

30. Ryan Fitzpatrick, BUF (42.489) (NR)
This Week: Lost to Houston 31-10, 15-23, 117 yards, 2 INT

31. Matt Stafford, DET (34.015) (25)
This Week: Lost to St. Louis 17-10, 14-33, 168 yards, INT

32. Kerry Collins, TEN (33.253) (28)
This Week: DNP

33. Kyle Boller, STL (30.097) (-)
This Week: DNP

34. Jake Delhomme, CAR (30.090) (31)
This Week: 7-14, 90 yards, TD

35. Marc Bulger, STL (28.869) (26)
This Week: Def. Detroit 17-10, 17-35, 176 yards, INT

36. Daunte Culpepper, DET (28.072) (29)
This Week: DNP

37. Brady Quinn, CLE (25.567) (30)
This Week: 1-3, 9 yards

38. JaMarcus Russell, OAK (20.808) (32)
This Week: Lost to San Diego 24-16, 14-22, 109 yards, INT

That's right. He isn't last. Not even second-to-last.

39. Josh Johnson, TB (20.612) (-)
This Week: Bye

40. Derek Anderson, CLE (9.966) (Last)
This Week: Lost to Chicago 30-6, 6-17, 76 yards, 2 INT, 1 lost fumble

Yeah, I can't really explain how bad this dude is. He is having perhaps the worst season at QB in NFL history. Projected stats: 132-308, 1,362 yards, 4 TDs, 18 INTs, 36.2 Rating. What can you even say?