Lamar Odom Questionable for Game 1: Lost in Wonka's Chocolate River

Who can post up Hedo?
Bank it off the glass.
Miss an open jumper,
Or flub an outlet pass?

The Candyman can, because his skills are first rate,
but his heart sure ain't.

The NBA Finals kick off tonight with the underdog and upstart Orlando Magic taking on the over-hyped and combustible L.A. Lakers. The general consensus seems to favor The Black Mamba and the Lakers in 6 games. Regardless of the outcome, the most bizarre subplot of the 2009 NBA Finals seems to be the next page in the enigmatic story of the Lakers "x-factor", Lamar Odom.

Odom's penchant for bong hits has faded effortless into the past. However, Odom still might be feeling the after effects of his previous love affair with THC: the munchies. News broke recently that Odom has a bit of a candy obsession.

During the series with the Nuggets, Odom played significantly better in Game 5 and Game 6, which coincidently or not, are the two games where the Lakers were finally able to put away the Nuggets. Apparently, Odom neglected to partake in his candy habit in Games 1 through 4, but prior to Games 5 and 6, Odom decided to eat candy for breakfast. Staples of Odom's candy obsession:

"a whole plate of jelly bean Starburst"

Twizzlers

Gummy Bears

Hershey's White Chocolate Cookies and Cream

Lifesavers

"Peachy Sugar Coated Rings"

Wait... Lifesavers? Really? People still eat Lifesavers? They still make Lifesavers? Do they still come in the same wrapping? It's hard candy. Was it really necessary to wrap the Lifesavers twice? Once in wax paper and once in foil? So many questions remain.

Odom's teammates don't seem to mind the candy obsession, as long as he keeps playing the way he did in Games 5 and 6. However, Dr. Daniel Amen, an ardent Lakers supporter chooses to rain on Odom's candy parade. Dr. Amen, a psychiatrist believes that there is a strong correlation between the "sugar blues" and the erratic play of Odom.

Because you know, prior to this season, Odom has been the model of consistency. Personally, we believe that Dr. Amen is an idiot. Honestly, who cares what Odom eats before the games. So what if Odom has a candy obsession. Our friend Nathan has a ridiculous candy obsession. We were once witness to Nathan spending $14 dollars on candy at a Sunoco Station and Nathan is awesome. In fact, Nathan might be the most consistent person we know. Sure, Nathan cannot jump to save his life, but other than that he is the most consistent person we know. Nathan's candy habit certainly doesn't make him "erratic" or "enigmatic".

The answer is simple: Odom has always been erratic and enigmatic. Candy has nothing to do with it. Dr. Amen should go back to trying to hypnotizing bored housewives and trying to diagnosis little kids with A.D.D. Simply put, if Odom plays the majority of the Finals like he did in Games 5 and Games 6, then the Magic will find themselves in a very difficult situation. Candy or no candy.