The Wrath of Kahn!!!! (And Other NBA Draft News)

Breaking news. Minnesota Timberwolves and Rick Brunson agree to 3 year, $12 million dollar contract.

Perhaps saying the Minnesota Timberwolves had an "interesting" draft night would be the polite thing to say. You know, maybe the T'Wolves had a larger plan. Maybe Personaru In Charge David Kahn got some advice from Matt Millen on drafting. You know what? Fuck it. What the fuck were the T'Wolves doing?


5th Overall: Ricky Rubio, PG 6'5

6th Overall: Jonny Flynn, PG 6'0

18th Overall: Ty Lawson, PG 6'0

28th Overall: Wayne Ellington, SG 6'5

45th Overall: Nick Calethes, PG 6'5

47th Overall: Henk Norel, PF, 6'9 215

Go ahead. Look at the list. Let it marinade. Look at it some more.

Sunk in yet?

Give it one more look.

Got it? Granted, this list would be a hell of a lot funnier if the Wolves haven't spun Ty Lawson and Nick Calethes to the Nuggets and Mavericks respectively for future picks and cash, but still, using the 5th and 6th overall picks in the draft on two point guards? Absolutely ridiculous. Lacking any inside presence, the Wolves then drafted Wayne Ellington who can only shoot and is closer to 6'3 than he is to 6'5 to play the two guard position.

Regardless, the Wolves were picking 6th as a reward for their awful season. However, in one of the shittiest drafts in NBA History, the Wolves decided to obtain ANOTHER high pick in the draft, this time in the 5th position. This was a draft where there were arguably only two players with bona fide all-star potential (Blake Griffin and Ricky Rubio), and maybe another one or two with solid starter potential (Stephanie Curry and *gulp* Hasheem Thabeet). The maestro behind the Wolves symphony? David Kahn.
A couple more thoughts on the draft...

Who is David Kahn you ask?

Well, according to wikipedia he is an author and the leading expert on CIA cryptography. So that's probably not the right David Kahn. Our David Kahn has no wikipedia page. (editors note - he now does) Any type of biography on David Kahn is also non-existent on the Minnesota Timberwolves official website. Some would look at this lack of access as emabrassing. I prefer to think of it as a clean canvas. The Timberwolves are in need of a new landscape to paint. The McHale regime was "Paint by Numbers" and perhaps the Kahn regime could be more in "Bob Ross" territory.

Breaking news. Minnesota Timberwolves and Eric Snow agree to 2 year $8 million dollar contract.

Because I'm lazy, I let Intern Mike scour the internet for information on David Kahn, which proved be difficult because the entire internet almost ceased to exist over the last 24 hours. Intern Mike informed us that among other things, David Kahn is: a Jew (really? you needed the internet for that Intern Mike?), apparantly an attorney (again, really? you needed the internet for that Intern Mike?), had some sort of front office position with the Basketball Jesus in Indiana, and at some point owned four NBDL Teams (i think that is the organization that does drag racing). So Kahn does some have some sort of experience going for him, which is nice.

So with their first pick, the Wolves drafted a floppy haired spanish version of Nick Jonas who will now have to live in Minnesota. He goes from partying on Ibiza to shopping at the Mall of Americas. He goes from paella to lutefisk. Of course this is going to go well. Personally, I believe that Rubio is going to be an absolute stud. My buddy Isaacs, who is a diehard Minneapolisiean (sp?) disagrees and called me last night in bitter disappointment. So this post is in honor of you Isaacs.

Rubio should not have been available at the 5th pick, but he was and the Wolves were smart and snatched him up. Things were starting to change. In an already shitty draft, the Wolves, needing everything now BUT another point guard, had Stephanie Curry (a combo guard, but a lights out shooter and probably a small two-guard in the NBA), DeMarr DeRozen (a slahing wing player and best friend of Lil' Romeo), and Jordan Hill (an athletic power forward who can run the floor and rebound) available. So who does Kahn roll the dice with?

Jonny Flynn. Another point guard. A barely six foot tall point guard (who probably is closer to 5'10). In a draft overloaded with guards and combo guards, the Wolves selected the other guard who can most certainly not play two guard.

Kahn felt the need to address his fans directly after the draft. The letter in it's entierty is listed here.

Some of the excerpts:

"It’s been five weeks since I arrived in Minneapolis and I hope you can feel
what I feel: change."

Breaking news. Minnesota Timberwolves and Sherman Douglas agree to 1 year, $4 million dollar contract.

On Rubio: "He will be our starting point guard here the moment he walks through
our front door. We may have to wait a year, or even two, but he is worth
the wait. We must be patient. This is a big step for he and his
family."

On Flynn: "I truly believe that Jonny is as much a scorer as a playmaker and
will thrive playing off of Ricky. I also believe that, together, we will
have one of the most dynamic defensive backcourts in the NBA over time.
You will love Jonny Flynn. He, too, will be special"

So he apparantly plans to play them together in the backcourt. Brilliant. He believes they will be the best defensive backcourt in the league. Well, as long as they don't play a team with anyone over 6'3 in their backcourt. Kahn likes to consider himself an "out of the box thinker". We here at Operation Shutdown are thinkers as well. We think Kahn is a fucking idiot.

So I'm sorry Isaacs and I'm sorry to Minnesota. Good times are around the corner. You have Brett Farve coming to town. You have Joe Mauer and the magical masking agent he has been using to mask his PED use. You have Mikko Koivu. Keep the faith Minnesota. Your time will come.


Other Notes on NBA Draft...

Dejuan Blair and Sam Young. Well, I think the two of them got screwed. Sam Young more so than Dejaun Blair. Sam Young has to play for the Memphis Grizzlies. Memphis is where basketball players go to die and eat awesome barbeque. One of those is awesome, one of those is not. You figure it out. Dejuan Blair got some bad advice. How can his legal representation/agent not inform him that the fact that he has no fucking ACL's left in his knees might play a role in how team's viewed him. He's also barely 6'6. While he was an offensive rebounding machine, has fantastic footwork and is a capable inside player, the measurables ended up screwing him. He should have stayed at Pitt for another year, dominate again, perhaps win the Wooden award and he probably would have gone first round in 2010. That being said, Blair is going to San Antonio, who somehow added Richard Jefferson and Dejuan Blair this weekend while only giving up Bruce Bowen and some random center named Oberto. You heard it here first, San Antonio wins the NBA Title next year.

Omri Cassipi becomes the first Israeli player drafted in the first round. Jews haven't been this excited since KFC gave out free grilled chicken a month ago.

No Blair or Young in the first round, but players are taken from Tanzania, Guadelupe, Congo, Srik Lanka and Tattooine.

Breaking news. Minnesota Timberwolves and Steve Wojciechowski agree to 3 year, $3 million dollar contract.

And finally... Mr. Riley and I have a buddy who we'll refer to as "Vince". Vince is a terrific basketball player and is arguably the biggest NBA fan I know. Vince, who is a born and bred Pittsburgher, currently lives in San Francisco with his lovely wife "Jenny" who has tiny hands but can bake up a storm. While all of Pittsburgh was transfixed on the Penguins-Red Wings Stanley Cup Final, during Game X, Vince was texting me about the NBA Finals, so Vince is a pretty big NBA fan. Anyway, Vince and I extended some text messages during the draft which I would like to share with you all.

HASHEEM THABEET
Vince: I love how , when discussing thabeet's weaknesses, they show a series of blair clips.
Mr. Ruben: Thabeet... Strengths: defensive ability, shot blocking, size. Weaknesses: Offense. (side note, unknown to me at the time, ESPN flashed a similar graphic)
Mr. Ruben: Thabeet... 4.9 ppg, 7.5 rebounds, 2.5 blocks... congrats, you just selected D.J. Mbenga with the 2nd overall pick!
Mr. Ruben: any time you can draft a player who's weakness is offense at 2nd overall, it's a move you absolutely have to make

Vince: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T1rZBxn3Zx8

JAMES HARDEN
Mr. Ruben: Harden... Strengths: does a little bit of eveyrthing, Weakness: doesn't do any of those things particularly wellVincent: oh shit!

TYREKE EVANS
Vince: tyreke evans is the only 6'5 black dude in the draft who can't dunk
Vince: I think he's the first non-elite athlete from memphis in five years... nice pic, sacramento ... hint to sacramento: if he's from MEMPHIS, and MEMPHIS doesn't want him

RICKY RUBIO AND BRANDON JENNINGS
Vince: Ricky Rubio: "well, sacramento seemed nice"Mr. Ruben: they film THE MENTALIST THERE!!!!! EVERYBODY GET EXCITED!!!!
After the Wolves took Rubio, Vince was hoping for them to take Brandon Jennings, I don't know if Vince was joking...
Vince: t-wolves will get rubio AND jennings.and no one will EVER know where the ball is. Vince: 48 minutes of "WTF" ball
Vince: "It appears as though two men, one from menudo and one from kold krush krew, are both dribbling"