Vince and Ruben's Offseason NBA Adventures! (Part 1)

There's a urban legend in Pittsburgh that no one cares about the NBA. We don't have an NBA team here. The closest NBA team is in fucking Cleveland. The closest we've been to the NBA is "The Fish That Saved Pittsburgh". I say fuck that. There are those of us in Pittsburgh who still care about the NBA. I'm from Miami, I'm a huge fan of the Miami Heat, the team, not the weather.

Our buddy Vince, who you've met in our previous NBA posts, is the biggest NBA fan we know in Pittsburgh (apologies to the mysterious Mr. Radcliffe, but the previous statement works better for this post). Vince is a native Pittsburgher who is currently on sabbatical in San Francisco, and is an adopted Golden State Warriors fan. Vince's claim to fame is once playing LeBron to Sam Young's random Xavier basketball player up at Trees.

With all the activity in the NBA Off-Season, Vince and I have decided to exchange "brief" e-mails regarding some of the moves in the NBA Off-Season that hopefully flow smoothly.

Let's see how it goes..

Ruben, Thursday, July 9, 2009, 4:05 pm.
I look at some of these recent moves, and I'm like, "When did it suddenly become 2002-2003 in the NBA again?". You look at some of the big names moving to contenders and it's guys who were super stars five years ago. Shaq to Cleveland. Rasheed Wallace to Boston. Vince Carter to Orlando. Shawn Marion to Dallas. Jason Kidd resigns with Dallas. Mike Bibby resigns with Atlanta. These are all teams who at least advanced to the second round of the playoffs last year. If it were 2003 it would be one thing, but in 2009? Are any of these guys really difference makers anymore? Are some of these teams worried that the balance of powers are going to shift in 2010 and that they better load up for one final run while they still have it? All of these teams have questions. Is Lebron going to bolt Cleveland? Does KG have anything left in the tank for Boston? How will Orlando respond to losing it's heart and soul and crunch time guy? How many more competitive years does the Dirk-Howard-Terry crew have? How long until Atlanta goes back to sucking?

Vince: Saturday, July 11, 2009 5:45pm
I'm going to overlook your offensive reference to "difference makers" (and implied support of ESPN's NEXT campaign), and go straight to the meat of your argument. And when I say "meat," of course I meant "doughnut." And when I randomly bring up doughnuts, I have an excuse to provide this link.



The link is not entirely irrelevant. In fact, it symbolically makes your point: No one takes Shaq seriously, except as an entertainer. But here's where I disagree with you: there is nothing noteworthy about Shaq being irrelevant, while everyone pretends he's still an NBA force. This has happened since at least his last full year in Miami. Perhaps even his Miami championship year. It's old news that Shaq is old news.

The reason the Shaq deal is noteworthy is more offensive, more sinister. On one side, the deal features an inept Cleveland organization, making a last gasp effort to placate Lebron. To use a phrase perhaps as grating as "difference maker": Really, Cleveland? Shaq? After 6 years of essentially saying "Do you like Larry Hughes? Not really? How bout no one, then? Ok, you win: we'll get you Mo Williams and pretend he's an All Star"? On the other side, this deal features Lebron James, who may or may not have any idea the disruption he's causing in THE ENTIRE NBA by keeping his cards so close.

You can imagine a husband mistreating his wife for years. Unfaithful. Physically abusive. Emotionally unstable. When the wife finally announces her intentions to leave, the husband makes a final effort to make amends . . . by buying her flowers? Shaq is Cleveland's bouquet of flowers to Lebron. Seriously, not even a big diamond ring? Even if Lebron is batshit insane and probably drove Cleveland to do what they did? ok, I'm confusing metaphors.

Point being: shaq is evidence of dysfunction, not mere stupidity.

Having spent so much text on Shaq, I respond to your Hedo comment with brevity: Hedo =/= heart&soul of any team, much less the Toronto Turkish Sports Fan Assembly.

The other Orlando offseason move is far more intriguing, and I say this as someone who distinctly dislikes Vince Carter: I think he improves the Magic's offense. One element they quite clearly lacked throughout the playoffs was a player who could make his own offense. When the "plays" they ran broke down (i.e., no one randomly got open for an uncontested 3 and "Doowight" was unable to get position 6-8 inches from the rim), the Magic offense featured an embarrassing lack of offensive creativity. Carter has shown some athletic decline recently, but he remains one of the league's more developed offensive players.

But the rest of those moves are, to me, uninteresting. Kidd remains a serviceable veteran, Rasheed a perennial underachiever, blah blah. None of those moves or resignings change the NBA landscape. The intriguing moves took place in only two organizations: the Lakers and the Spurs.

The Lakers have no made a complete transition from talented-but-wimpy to arguably the most hardass team in the NBA. Yes, I think Pau Gasol incredibly improved his "toughness" and am counting him as one of the hardasses. I don't think anyone would plausibly argue Kobe, Fisher, and Odom aren't monsters. And Ron Artest is . . . sensitive. And Bynum, despite playing like a timid child, is big enough to disrupt any center in the league. The Lakers got better.

But what about the Spurs? Does Richard Jefferson clearly improve this team? Or is he a temporary distraction for 1-2 seasons while The Big Fundamentals becomes obsolete?